Big joke

Yes, it must be a great joke.

---
Thursday night, A texted me and wanted to talk to me about his problem. Well, it's basic my history replay. I advised him trying to avoid contact with each other. The next morning, I left a message on my Facebook wall for him(though many friends thought it's for myself).

It seems to be so easy to solve if it's someone else's problem. Totally!

God put me in test that day right after my words.

I checked my mail box after sending A home. Shit, i saw a notice with D.M's name on it. I put it back to the mail box, trying to ignoring it. Grrr, I can't. It looked kinda important. It's from immigration department. Ok, fine! I unlocked the mail box and take it out.

But I don't want to text him or what... Ok, I guess I still remember where he lives, though I never know if he moved to other place or what. Anyway, just go.

Ok, it looked like his style, placing shoes outside. And two pairs of slippers, in different sizes. My heart freezed for a moment. Its not my business anymore, but I did love D before, so everything related could affect my feeling.

Walking away fast like fleeing.

Well, everything will stay the same tomorrow, I hope. Maybe he moved and the mail would be returned to me, or he just take it without thinking too much. Everything will stay the same, right?

NO, it got worse.

The next day, seemed peaceful. No thank you msg from my mobile. Cool. And I forgot everything.

God did not forget though.....

After busy day, I checked my personal mails from mobile in the bus. Its a busy night, gotta get things from ikea for my sis-in-law.

A mail with a familiar sender: D.M. . I quitted the mail right away like I'm avoidin him. Ok, he still lives there. And it's just a thank you mail. Nothing more, ok, gab?!

I clicked mail again, and read that mail from him. Basically, he thanked me and explain again he didn't know how to alter the address from the school system. And again, like last time, he mentioned we should catch up sometime(cliche, D said that like half years ago, and not a call or text to say he is available), oh , new information: he is leaving Taiwan in two months! Good. I'm leaving Taipei in 2 months as well. I do miss you, D, but I know I would not be happy after I meet you. You did nothing wrong, but my mind would kill myself.

I replied politely said: it's nothing. No worries. And good luck(somehow I feel the "good luck" sounds a bit mean here)

And damn , I added " I'm leaving Taipei in two months as well". WTF did I add this? What were I expecting?

Anyway, what was sent was sent.

I dropped the bus and walked into ikea. Quick got things I need and leave.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...........

D walked towards me with surprised face. He was with a friend. No where to run or hide. I nodded and smile goodbye. Not even a word from both.

My heart stopped again coz all the memory flushed back.

God, you must be joking.

10 seconds ruined my whole night mood.

I know my eyes were wet a bit. I did and do miss him. And the heart-breaking part is, he didn't miss me or care. So many things I wanted to share. Calm down, gab.

I checked mails whole night, he didn't reply. Good, what kind of "let's catch up" is his. Anyway, I always know it's me poisoning our friendship, coz I couldn't really give up. It's all me, my fault.

Wanted to chat with someone, but seems no one is my perfect audience now. Anyway, I have to repair myself on my own. Time will help.

That's call it a day, ok? No more joke or test for me, please!

G.



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Shit,

I'm weak. I should have ignored all your mails.

2 pairs of slippers.

I left them at your door and walk away.

With slightly wet eyes.


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"Hi, how are you?"

Hi, D.

How are you?

Yes, I saw you twice... I did not avoid you though...

I'm helping you avoiding me...

I know you are trying to avoiding me... It's ok, and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

----

I went to see the movie, One Day.  Somehow, I felt so touched, but also a bit down.  I miss you but I can't say anything.  I know you are there, but we are avoiding each other.  so much I want to share with you... so much...., but I know it's better to leave you alone.

I'm going back to Taichung soon.  I'm not gonna tell you nor meet you or bump into you anytime in these days.  Every time I saw you, I looked peaceful, but I wasn't.  And it makes me hard to forget you.

I miss you a lot, but I don't like you anymore.

Goodbye for good, ok?

G.

Hug

I need a hug.

I want a hug.

Hug me,

Please...

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Pic from : http://www.ght.org.uk/userfiles/image/webgeneral/iStock792647poloshirtboys.jpg

Could you control yourself?

I'm not interested in your boyfriend. Seriously, i barely chat with him and he said hello first.

I don't know if I'm too good in acting or what, you guys didn't even notice I wanted to run away from you guys, coz your hostile eyes made me feel very uncomfortable.

Try to trust your bf, ok?


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A little joy dated August 14., 2011

Walking into 7-11, a slim, tall boy with a neat tidy look caught my eyes... As usual, I took a secret peek, mm, cute~. Oh oh, ok, you are not doing it secretly enough. I noticed your peek as well coz you didn't perform it smoothly when you noticed me: you took a little noticeable twist. Lol. Cute still.

Ok, get back to the business, should I get latte? I think I need some cafe, but I got a bag in my hand. I don't like both hands occupied, looks stupid and clumsy. Ok, forget it. I'm not thirsty anyway. Walking out of the shop and towards the gate. When I entering the gate, (oh, shit...) I noticed I went to the far one, the wrong side: this is for car 1-6 but my seat is at car 9. Grrr, just walk lo. Escalating to the platform level, the temperature escalated as well. Another unwise idea, I shouldn't have left the ground level, there are shops and restaurants, and most important of all: it's ACed....

Ok, I wiped my shiny forehead. A bit sweaty already. I should live in somewhere like Germany or Sweden, where the summer just like our winter here in Taiwan. Sigh...

While approaching car 9, ok, you are here waiting already. What a surprise, I said it in my mind! And i saw you saw me again. Ok, that's embarrassing. I walked a bit further down...leaning against the pillar, peeking you. :D

Probably 180, or 179 cm, thin but not skinny(nice~ +1). Clean face with some mustache like mine(good +1). Blue t-shirt with white strips at the edges of sleeves, simple shorts, nice match: simple, neat and clean look, just like the style I preferred(+1). Nice legs, long, thin, and straight with some hair(+1). I looked down at my hairy legs, uh, they are probably -1 in his eyes.

Oh, I turned my face away. He turned to my direction. Our eyes met for tick time. Ok, I looked away and took out my mobile, tried to make it look I'm searching browsing the phone. Looking up slightly, ok you turned back. I adjusted my tote, put down the bag on the floor. Bring out my headphone, plug it into the phone, tap iPod, play.... Well, you turned again, I forced my head still, facing you. Though my eyes are not so functional in the night time, I know you are watching(peeking?) me. I lifted a smile on my face. Yes, it's for you. Take it.

You still looked here several times. Ok, what do you want? It seems you are checking your phone as well... Well, are you on Grindr now? Let me check. Mmm, not like you, and the closest one is about 387m away. Lol, he looks like a girl with over PSed eyes. Ok, so you are not here. Not everyone use iPhone or android phone anyway.

The broadcast was advising the next train is approaching. You are probably guessing why I'm not waiting in line with everyone. Coz I'm not taking none reserved seats... I guess now we both know we are checking each other. I again , look away with a smile. What a cute action, like teenagers... Lol

The floor lights flashing, your train is coming. I murmured bye-bye in my lips.

Watching you entered the train, searching seat, ok, you must be joking. There was a empty seat just next to the window at 10:00 direction. I looked away while you seated. Yup, our eyes met again, same surprising, same shy embarrassing feeling, different distance. I still leaned against the pillar, only look away sometimes, so our eyes won't meet too often. Ok, my cheek flushed. Nearly three minutes, we were doing eye things only.

And the HSR train left.

Smile is still in my face, from the little joy I just got. Maybe you will wait me at the main station. Maybe we will see each other again. Maybe,

Why you didn't want to take next train for me. Or search me in Grindr( my Grindr profile photo is a Lego black swan. He couldn't tell anyway. Lol).

Why I didn't try to go his window and show him my number? ( that's too Hollywood lol)

After many maybe and why, my train arrived. I took out my iPad after seated. Started to type this little joy dated August 14th., 2011. Two boys, four eyes, and a "maybe" romance.

Ok, it's Taipei now. Bye! And "maybe" see you later!

G



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Location:YùDé Rd,Wufong District,Taiwan

:-)

Got one big smile today----- I lose about 3~4 kg already.

Well, that means regular exercise plus proper diet really help reduce my weight.

Breaky: milk(or sugar-reduced soy milk) + cereal + avocado.
Not my favorite combinations but I have to say, the avocado does light up this common dish. Unlike some sweet fruits, though taste good when eat alone, but doesn't match the other ingredients in the bowel. However, avocado plays a very nice role in this breky show. Not sweet or sour means it doesn't create an odd, strong, way to different taste from others. And the creamy texture... Mmmmm, yum yum!! Though it's a high calorie fruit also called butter fruit, its fat is actually a healthy kind, and it's also nutritious. So it's actually good for people who are on diet.

Lunch: mmmm... Almost everything is fine. But I usually have dumplings... It's my favorite. Lol, I can have them everyday!

Dinner: fried chicken from KFC or some homemade food with more protein.
uh, sounds a bit unbelievable but as long as I exercise, I think it's ok lo! Meat is better than starchy foods. So I usually choose protein foods rather than starchy ones for dinner. Guilty dinner is not guilty once a week. Be happy, I am not a model. I don't need to eat like one. Lol

So far, I'm happy to go to gym now, exercising for an hour or so. Though I still prefer yoga, but sweating make me high and feel energetic!

Hope I can still keep this when I go back to Taichung... I hope I can wake up early tomorrow and jog in the park, getting wet!

G


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Alone... Again

Yesterday, a colleague asked me: Do you have girl friend?

I don't know...( to me, this question is equal to "boy friend")

Am I still partnered?

If so, why I feel so lonely... Why I don't feel like being "cherished" or "wanted"? Why I don't miss him? And I don't care... I used to have passion for him, but since I didn't feel equally "loved" so the temperature keeps falling... Now, to me, we are just friends...

-so, I'm alone, again

Today, after work, I walked on the street alone. Don't really want to go home early, but don't want to alone on the street. I went to Eslite to look for the latest DVDs, but it didn't take long. I walked along the road...thinking about calling anyone..., but I still gave up coz somehow, part of myself wanted to be alone.

Listening to my antique Chinese pop, one song caught my attention when I almost got home, "我想我會一直孤單( I think I'll be alone all my life)"...

Lol, now it maybe true.

G.



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Aww...it's broken again!

Sigh, I took a cold shower today.

The new heater apparently is not functioning well. Before, I could still wait for the heater, but today, I tried everything, it just didn't want to work for me...

Grrr... Now I have to take a shower in the gym these days and find a day to get it fixed....

Tonight, I turn off the AC.... Lol


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The kiss from "One day"...

I really really like this poster... I've shared it several times with friends. Lately, I watched the trailer, awww, so touched. Can't wait to watch it!

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